Airport Shits

Don't Clean Up Shit at the Airport

Listen, I was browsing through the ads on Craig's List and what did I see? A full time position for a janitor at the Pittsburgh Airport. I'm not saying there's any indignity in being a janitor. I did that for awhile (at this really smaht college). What I can say is that NO ONE likes to clean up other people's scat. Seriously.

I think Mark Borchardt says it best.


With that being said, I'm thinking that the Airport is probably the most dangerous place to be cleaning up people's shit. Think about it- You've got people flying all over the country, all over the world eating food and breathing in toxic. Who knows what all of these humans are picking up on their travels? Then all of these germs and viruses mingle at the airport. It's like a party hardcore hub for disease. There's a bunch of freaky stuff being concocted- stuff you are not comfortable with. At least you won't be if you make contact with it.

And it all goes right into the fucking toilets at the airport! There's probably money in a reality show on Discovery kinda like Deadliest Catch. Only it's more like Deadliest Shit. How on a routine sanitation case, one janitor contracted a strange, new strain of malaria when a Russian needed to drop some excrement on his way from South America to Iceland.

If you're trying to do that, all I'm saying is you better have a great immune system. And possibly a romantic heart because you see that shit and you have a story. Maybe even a moving one. Before it was passed through someone's body, what was it? All things come from the sun, as we know, but what about the life of the animals? Where were they raised and butchered? Most likely in a place you'll never get to step foot in. Stepping foot it in at the airport is probably enough for me, though. Then there's the fields where the plants grew. And the chef who prepared this course- what's his life like in Portugal, down old South America way? And what about the dude with the balls to order that gross entree an hour before takeoff? Maybe this was his first shit after a terrible break-up. He's heading back home to re-calibrate his life. He finally got rid of his baggage. And now you have to clean it.